When you’ve tasted the best, smelt its hair, laughed with tears in your eyes, held it in your arms, you’ve met face to face with God.
And you’re so strong in your conviction that you know with two rooted feet that things couldn’t be any better.
Memory however fails in the end, and you’re left questioning if everything you knew was an illusion. Was it all real?
My love for you was
So deep I wrote you love odes
Before I met you
A strange thing happened in the past day: I received the kind of love I didn’t think I was good enough to get. What was (I thought) a rejection was simply a failure of communication through technology. It goes to show that you need to be fully open to the idea of love in order for it to enter into your life…
I didn’t realize how many of my recent Christmases were stolen and debauched. Or were they all simply intended to be the gifts God had given me?
The gift of finding maturity outside of my years? Finding solace in incomprehensible places? The learning of love, peace and an opening heart? Yes.
I will have the happy ending I deserve.
Everything that happens is as perfectly planned by a master choreographer of an ultimate plan I can never understand.
Sometimes the opportunities you really really wanted, but thought wouldn’t come for a long while, appear right at your doorstep. You might not be ready, qualified, or experienced enough to do everything they want you to do. You might not have had the proper preparation or training. Yet these people want you and welcome you. God has presented you with the opportunity, perhaps not with the perfect timeline you had in mind, but it is still that same opportunity. So what do you do?
Run with it as far as you can. Stop doubting yourself for not being enough. Forgive yourself for making mistakes you know you will make. Show people that you have the earnest drive to somehow make it all work out in the end… That is all you can ask for of yourself.
Would I be happy if I lied? If I pretended to be someone better, smarter, cooler, more loved than I actually am? Would lying give me everything I thought I wanted in life? Love? Acceptance? Fame? Freedom?
Would everything I have be real? Would I be loved for who I am? Would my friends be my friends because of my bad jokes and crazy ways? Is there freedom in having power and money? Why not take a few shortcuts if no one knows?
The thing is that I will know.
I know the answer to all of this is no.
As much as all of these things are great, what I want most is acceptance. I just have to remember that my truth, unadorned, is enough. Because I alone am enough. I am enough for this world, I am enough for those who can love me for who I am. Nothing more or less. Just the reflection in the mirror.
How much would you sacrifice for beauty?
To all my beloved friends who are far.
Far from me in time and space,
far because of the difficulties you must face,
far because you worry over things that you
never expected to face in your lifetime….
Know that all challenges and dangers
and blessings and opportunities in disguise.
Know that I think of you,
And wish you all strength and energy
to overcome the obstacles you must face.
And know that when I pray by candlelight
each night before I sleep,
I tell god to remember you,
And to give you the resilience and strength to overcome
and come out a stronger, clearer, beam of light.
You are never forgotten.